Aha! Raise your hand and hit here! Who never?
There’s no way, we always end up falling into the judgment when the attitude of other people does not match with what we consider suitable. Well, the truth is that this behavior is so ingrained in our culture that we don't even realize it exists. When you least expect it, pah, judgment is there in your thoughts and many, many times it slips out of your mouth.
And do you feel pleasure when you judge others? You can confess, here quietly for me, I don't tell anyone. I have often enjoyed judging an inappropriate attitude, so if you do, I am not the one to point the finger at you, believe me.
Now, do you enjoy being judged the same way you enjoy judging?
Yeah, if I follow the same line of reasoning that if I as a human don't like it, I imagine that you as a human don't like it either. Right?
And why do we need to issue judgments, right? Is giving an opinion in the form of judgment a way of assuring ourselves? Do we reaffirm who we are when we see in others what we believe we are not?
Philosophies aside, one of the things that absurdly improved my interaction with myself and with other people, known and unknown, was the way in which Marshall Rosenberg, the psychologist who systematized non-violent communication, talks about the question of judgment. He says that we choose to play God by judging and labeling people as right or wrong according to our values.
I found it so strong to read this and after some time and self observation I ended up agreeing that really, when judging others I put myself in a superior position to think that I know what is "best". Did it hit you too? If you thought it was overkill, keep investigating what is there inside you that is causing this discomfort.
Fact is that, according to CNV, our judgments are nothing more than a way we find to express what we need and we are not getting. For example; let's say I think the end of the sting when people save seats at events for other people because I believe they should strive to be on time and be fair to those who were already there waiting. In reality, this opinion that I think or speak, this judgment that I make, is nothing more than my need for organization, balance and justice or perhaps my expectation of getting a good place, which is not met.
O invitation is you talk about yourself instead of others, say what you feel, what you need, what is important to you, WITHOUT labeling others or implying that other people are of a wrong nature.
Challenging right? But highly possible.
I leave you with a story which, for me, was very healing for those moments I notice a discomfort stimulated by the behavior of others, and sometimes even by their own behavior. I realized that after listening to this story, over time, I started to no longer generalize people's actions, always looking for how many possibilities could exist to clarify that attitude that I apparently was not seeing.
Gradually I've been spending my time and energy to discover strategies that meet the need that I have, but that in the past would have been expressed in the form of judgment, instead of spending that energy labeling and getting upset with others.
May the images in this story enrich your inner world and help you build a broader symbolic language with life.
Hugs and even